Horror/Sci-Fi Movie Formulas and Fables

As an avid horror and sci-fi movie buff, I see quite a few movies over the course of a week. Some are new and some are old favorites but they all have a few things in common that make them blend together into one huge lump. The writers of these scripts have seen the exact same movies as I have and simply cannot seem to expand their thought processes past the "formulas" that worked in the past. Here are a few thoughts on this from my end.

1: "The Black Guy Always Dies First": This little tidbit has been used so much that some movies even poke fun at this plot line before they actually kill them off. They need to start killing off one of the cute chicks first just to throw in a curve ball once in awhile. The whiny one one is always a good start in my book.

2: "The First To Die": Always seems to be one of the girls. Quit killing off the one with the biggest boobs, go for the one with the glasses, 3 layers of clothing and the backpack full of books that really didn't want to be there in the first place. Kill the boobs, kill the movie as the majority of male viewers will not bother to stick around after she's dead to see if she ends up in a bikini or shower scene before being brutally butchered.

3: "Spare The Child": There is always a little kid in these things that manages to escape a bloody end where all those around them are dying like flies at a frog festival. "Feast" took this to a new level when the boy gets eaten right at the outset of the movie. Kudos to the writer on that one as they just tend to whine, cry and scream a lot while the killer is busy dismembering Mom anyway.

4: "The Unlikely Hero/Heroine": For once, I would like to see the guy or girl with the balls at the outset actually make it through the movie as the winner. Quit picking the mousy one or the geek to save the day. The odds of this actually happening in a real situation are as unlikely as a high school chess club winning the Superbowl.

5: "Dress For Success": The wardrobe people work very hard on a film set to aid the actor in fitting their part. Why is it though that lately, every movie I see involving a female scientist has them in a tank top. No offense to the scientific community but let's be a little more realistic in this vein. Most female scientists do NOT have the body of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and the addition of a bit more realism may keep some of the chuckles down when she actually says something intelligent during the movie.

6: "Armed And Dangerous": People are dying all around and the hero or heroine finally gets the upper hand on the killer by whacking them in the head with the only shovel for a hundred miles. Now, the killer has been stabbed, shot, hit by a car and fell out of a two-story window by this point and just keeps coming. So why, oh why, do they think that one whack on the head is going to keep him down forever and throw the friggin' shovel away??? The same goes for finding the only gun in the place, firing one shot into the would be monster and setting the gun down to check on a fallen comrade and leaving it there. One phrase people..."Coup de Grace", lop his friggin' head off with the business end of that shovel for God's sake.

7: "Knowledge Is Power": Common sense rarely prevails in horror and sci-fi movie scripts. This is okay though, it does make them more entertaining but some of the plot twists are simply too stupid for words. Don't open the friggin' door when there is a suspected serial killer in the area. Don't open the kitchen cabinet door when there are scratching noises coming from inside and if there is a green glow emanating from the underside of the bedroom door...go the other freaking way! While these do make the movie more fun to watch, a thinking hero or heroine might make the real twists that much more believable.

I realize that some of the things I mentioned here will never change and that's okay. They have worked for this long, so why fix something if it is not broken? We live in a society with a much higher range of intelligence than 60 years ago when horror and sci-fi was just getting off the ground. It is time the writers stepped up to our level by incorporating a few more intelligent plot twists into these movies. A hero that keeps the gun in hand or one that actually checks to see if the killer is really dead on occasion might be nice and there is nothing wrong with some gratuitous nudity or a cheesy two headed alien either.