It's Christmas morning and all through the house, not a creature is stirring; not even a mouse...so now I really have no clue what I'm making for Christmas dinner...I was counting on that mouse for stew or at least soup...geez.
No fat bastard in a red suit came down my chimney during the night. Not sure if it was the barbed wire on the roof or the bear trap on the grate that deterred him but anyway you look at it, he didn't even try. What kinda guy, I ask you, lets a few little obstacles stop him from doing the one thing he has to do all year???
Now there's a job I'd like...actually work one day a year other than in a supervisory capacity the rest of the time. House costs nothing cause no one else would want to live there anyway and the slave labor force he has pretty much handles everything for him. You know he has them doing everything from making the toys to polishing his boots to cleaning up reindeer shit when they go on the carpet.
They can't go anywhere either...he probably holds their green cards ( being elves, the cards have to be green) and ensures their loyalty that way along with the occasional beating or bottle of spiked egg nog. Where would they go....really??? Career choices are pretty limited for 2 foot high guys with pointed ears and horrible fashion sense. Other than cleaning gum out from under cafeteria tables without bending down or midget porn, they're pretty much out of luck.
With these thoughts in mind, Merry Christmas from the Wise Lemur and to all a good day filled with family, friends and as much booze as you need to tolerate both.
About Me
- Wise Lemur
- Las Cruces, NM, United States
- I am an avid sci-fi/horror/fantasy fan along with being a Right To Eat Animals activist, target shooter and general know it all with a little information about a lot of subjects which makes me slightly dangerous.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Does This Make Me a Bad Person?...
So, I'm sitting here contemplating the meaning of life, the existence of God or a godlike being and why more restaurants don't have Twinkies on the desert menu. My roommate is prepping for a trip to Florida for the holidays and then some and she goes to the salon to get her hair done. She returns to the house after better than 3 hours there and I say to her, "So what happened? Did they cancel your appointment?".
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
The dog is crashed out on the floor a few feet away and every once in awhile I get the "look. The look that says, "If you don't stop making noise with the frigging computer, I'm going to shit in your shoes while you sleep, you son of a bitch!" He's a good dog for the most part and rarely messes anything up but God forbid you forget to give him a friggin Milk Bone every hour or so. He starts acting like a junkie, pacing back and forth and muttering under his breath about "needing his fix." I don't always give them to him as he's getting fat from little exercise but I do occasionally like to mess with him and set one on the chair arm and make him wait..his tail wagging like it's going to snap off.
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
Well, I believe it's time for me to stop all this thinking as I feel the headache coming on. Stress is the number one killer of lemurs and this lemur feels it frequently of late. Think it's time to crank up the grill at 1:30 in the afternoon, open a beer and mess with the local wildlife by putting out bird food they don't like because I have a 50lb bag of it and I ain't throwing it away.
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
The dog is crashed out on the floor a few feet away and every once in awhile I get the "look. The look that says, "If you don't stop making noise with the frigging computer, I'm going to shit in your shoes while you sleep, you son of a bitch!" He's a good dog for the most part and rarely messes anything up but God forbid you forget to give him a friggin Milk Bone every hour or so. He starts acting like a junkie, pacing back and forth and muttering under his breath about "needing his fix." I don't always give them to him as he's getting fat from little exercise but I do occasionally like to mess with him and set one on the chair arm and make him wait..his tail wagging like it's going to snap off.
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
Well, I believe it's time for me to stop all this thinking as I feel the headache coming on. Stress is the number one killer of lemurs and this lemur feels it frequently of late. Think it's time to crank up the grill at 1:30 in the afternoon, open a beer and mess with the local wildlife by putting out bird food they don't like because I have a 50lb bag of it and I ain't throwing it away.
Does this make me a bad person?...I think not.
Friday, December 3, 2010
The One That Got Away...
Here I sit, fondly remembering a love from my past. She was incredibly beautiful, smart, funny and talented. We had some of the best times in my life and I know there is no way I will ever forget them. She was the kind of person you search for your entire life and some people never find.
After we parted ways many years ago, I always thought about her and probably quite a bit more that would have been considered healthy. I once even had a dream that she had been injured years later and actually pulled up the courage to call her parents to see if she was ok. Thank God, my dreams mean little to nothing in the bigger scheme of things and she was just fine.
While I'm not the biggest fan on the planet of Facebook, I do maintain a page. On a whim and through another friend's page, I had looked her up and saw that she too had a page. I sent a message to her with a friend request, to simply say hello and inquire if all was well. The reply was short and courteous but not much else and we never messaged again.
That was quite awhile back and as she has her page on private and out of respect for her, I never requested to be her friend there again. I did however, pull up the page occasionally and the picture was always the same. Her, at her job, back to the camera and doing what she loved to do.
Well, yesterday while cruising pages on Facebook, I ran across her name again. I clicked on the page to see a new picture and it truly sunk in. It is a picture of a stunning beautiful bride, looking the way she did years ago, a minister and the guy who was lucky enough to capture her heart. I wish them all the best and I know now that the one that got away, that once in a lifetime chance, is truly gone.
After we parted ways many years ago, I always thought about her and probably quite a bit more that would have been considered healthy. I once even had a dream that she had been injured years later and actually pulled up the courage to call her parents to see if she was ok. Thank God, my dreams mean little to nothing in the bigger scheme of things and she was just fine.
While I'm not the biggest fan on the planet of Facebook, I do maintain a page. On a whim and through another friend's page, I had looked her up and saw that she too had a page. I sent a message to her with a friend request, to simply say hello and inquire if all was well. The reply was short and courteous but not much else and we never messaged again.
That was quite awhile back and as she has her page on private and out of respect for her, I never requested to be her friend there again. I did however, pull up the page occasionally and the picture was always the same. Her, at her job, back to the camera and doing what she loved to do.
Well, yesterday while cruising pages on Facebook, I ran across her name again. I clicked on the page to see a new picture and it truly sunk in. It is a picture of a stunning beautiful bride, looking the way she did years ago, a minister and the guy who was lucky enough to capture her heart. I wish them all the best and I know now that the one that got away, that once in a lifetime chance, is truly gone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)