Lemurism of the Day #2

You are no good to anyone else, if at first, you are not good to yourself.

Why are Most Hard Liquors Named After Men?

A subject that has perplexed this creature for quite sometime is the purpose for this post. There are many different liquors on the market and almost all named after men. There is Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker just to name a few. Since the majority of liquor drinkers are men, why not alter the names a bit to more suit the consumer.

"Bitch Left Me" vodka: For the first few hours after being dumped.
"Boss is an Ass" bourbon: No real explanation needed, name says it all.
"Damn, She's Hot" whiskey: For those times a little courage is needed.
"Up Yours!" scotch: For when your underdog team knocks the hell out of the opposition and you're the only guy in the bar rooting for them.
"F Me" tequila: For gearing up before heading home.
"Kiss My Ass" cognac: For those times a little you feel like splurging.
"Blind Me" rum: This goes well for those days at the beach, when all the old men seem to have shopped at the same Speedo shop.

These are just a few ideas for truth in advertising. Any comments or suggestions will be more than welcome.

Lemurism of the Day

Procrastination is like masturbation...in the end, all you have done is screw yourself.

Simple Stupidity From the Streets of Philadelphia

I just finished reading a news story that has my whiskers atwitter. In Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love, some children were having a snowball fight. A passerby is accidentally struck by a snowball by a 15 year old boy. The passerby, a 26 year old man, an obviously well adjusted member of society and quite even tempered, goes home and gets his illegally owned firearm. He then returns to shoot the boy in the side of the head. The boy consequently dies a day later in the hospital.

This in and of itself is a tragedy but not what has me a little more than annoyed. The "Snowball Shooter", because of course all murderers should have a cute name for the media to use, is in court and his legal counsel's defense for his actions are that he was defending himself, as the 15 year old pulled a knife.

So, let's recount the chain of events. Passerby gets struck by snowball, 15 year old then pulls knife and passerby says, "Wait a minute, will you? I need to run home and get my gun, I'll be right back." 15 year old boy and friends sit patiently and wait while this pillar of society goes home, gets his gun and returns to shoot a child for a mistimed snowball.

The "Snowball Shooter" will no doubt enjoy his new found cute name while serving a lifetime time in prison as someone's girlfriend. We can only hope that this is the outcome and that the young boys family can receive some measure of comfort from this. My condolences and thoughts go out to the family.

An Alternative to Not Being Able to Smoke

There are many of us out there, lemurs and human alike, who smoke. For many of us, quitting may be an option but simply not a desire. It is to this group that I direct this blog. With more and more establishments refusing us the right to smoke due to the health of others, I have found a product that can alleviate this issue. I'm talking about Snus.

A Snus is a small pouch of tobacco that one places between the upper lip and gum to release a small amount of nicotine and various flavorings, depending on the type chosen. These Snus, unlike traditional dip/snuff do not require the need to spit making these much more user friendly in a public setting.

These are primarily made in Sweden and Denmark but are available in the U.S.. GetSnus.com has a very large variety of these in varying flavors, sizes and nicotine levels. Most should have no trouble finding one that works for them. Many of the Snus available on the website have individual testimony as to how a previous user liked or disliked that particular one.

The Wise Lemur's pick for the moment is Thunder brand Frosted. It's spearmint flavor and 14 grams of nicotine per pouch make it a perfect alternative to lighting up in a restaurant or standing outside in 20 degree weather just to have a cigarette. There are a few different sizes so very few people can even tell that they are being used.

Let's face it, many of us after 25 years or more of smoking simply are not going to stop tomorrow just because. These can be a way to either cut down on cigarette use or a stepping stone to quitting all together. Visit the website(link @ right) and take a look around, you may be pleasantly surprised.

The Wise Lemur is in no way being compensated by GetSnus.com for his opinion on this product. This is purely from personal use and my own observations. As with all tobacco products, there are health warnings and risks associated with use.

I Won the Canadian Lottery!

So yesterday, I received a letter with a check for $3750.25 and a instructions on what I needed to do to receive the rest of my $89,500.00 prize from the Canadian Lottery. There are a few things inherently wrong with me getting this in the mail. One, I don't live anywhere near friggin' Canada. Two, I'm not that lucky to start with and the odds of me winning any sum of money that big are that of the proverbial snowballs chance in Hades. So, I decide to do a little research by using the names and addresses supplied in the "prize notification" letter. The names themselves are fairly generic except for the name on the check. It belongs to a courier company based in NYC and thanks to Google, I find a telephone number and give them a call. The gentleman I spoke to was kind enough to inform me that their computers had been hacked in the past few weeks and I wasn't the only one to receive one of these checks. While scammers may be getting smarter, some are still just a dumb as a box of rocks. What makes these idiots think that for one second, I'm going to deposit a check from something I never entered in the first place then turn right around and ship them a chunk of it back for "taxes". For those that have fallen prey to these types of scams I have only one thing to say, "Please let your parents read your mail first before doing anything with one of these, keep your special helmet on and please...only lick warm windows".

The Wise Lemur Highly Recommends This

Online Poker and the U.S. Government

This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Online poker to some is considered gambling but to anyone that actually plays it, it is truly a game of skill. There's an old saying, "If poker is gambling to you...you're doing it wrong". The U.S. Government has decided that we as a people, should be told how to spend our entertainment money, should our choice in entertainment be online gambling. Now they don't have a problem if someone spends their entire paycheck on scratch off lottery tickets or Powerball numbers. Because these proceeds go to a worthy cause, their pockets. The money from these goes into the state's coffers for some good programs, don't get me wrong, but with the amount of people playing these on a daily basis, why do taxes keep rising? The online poker industry was approximated to be worth 100 billion dollars last year. The U.S. is one of the few countries that does not seem to see the benefit in regulating this and wants to stop it completely. They are not screaming at the casinos when someone loses their house to a craps table, but if a normal person wants to throw 10 bucks at an online poker tournament, there's hell to pay. There is more than once dunce on Capitol Hill that needs to get their head out of their ass and see that by regulating and taxing online poker, just as they do the winnings in a casino, that this country could most likely be a whole lot better for it.

1st one

Just a starter to get going with. I am a slightly opinionated idiot on my best days. I will whine and bitch about damn near anything just for fun, but I'm not really like that. I have ideas and general observations on just about any subject one could think of and they will all be posted here. Until next time, then.