Merry F**kin' Xmas to All...

It's Christmas morning and all through the house, not a creature is stirring; not even a mouse...so now I really have no clue what I'm making for Christmas dinner...I was counting on that mouse for stew or at least soup...geez.

No fat bastard in a red suit came down my chimney during the night. Not sure if it was the barbed wire on the roof or the bear trap on the grate that deterred him but anyway you look at it, he didn't even try. What kinda guy, I ask you, lets a few little obstacles stop him from doing the one thing he has to do all year???

Now there's a job I'd like...actually work one day a year other than in a supervisory capacity the rest of the time. House costs nothing cause no one else would want to live there anyway and the slave labor force he has pretty much handles everything for him. You know he has them doing everything from making the toys to polishing his boots to cleaning up reindeer shit when they go on the carpet.

They can't go anywhere either...he probably holds their green cards ( being elves, the cards have to be green) and ensures their loyalty that way along with the occasional beating or bottle of spiked egg nog. Where would they go....really??? Career choices are pretty limited for 2 foot high guys with pointed ears and horrible fashion sense. Other than cleaning gum out from under cafeteria tables without bending down or midget porn, they're pretty much out of luck.

With these thoughts in mind, Merry Christmas from the Wise Lemur and to all a good day filled with family, friends and as much booze as you need to tolerate both.